The desire to be liked...

The statement “It is healthy to desire to be liked by others” is one of those incredibly loaded statements. It’s impossible to come up with one simple answer, because as with everything in life, to what extent is the operative phrase.

To some extent, the desire to be liked is absolutely one of our healthiest feelings. After all, we’re programmed as social beings, and we behave as such. The ability to interact with each other is probably the most important skill we must maintain, for every other skill we have is useless without the ability to share it with outhers. Thus, our desire to be liked helps us become aware of personality traits and actions that can hinder this interaction. Through becoming aware of these traits, we can only improve them, and ultimately improve our chances of interacting successfully. The desire to be liked helps us to become better, more successful people, as well as keeping our morals in check. It is a time-tested rule that people rarely do wrong when others are watching, all stemming back to this desire to gain approval from our peers.

On the other hand, there are times when the desire to be liked becomes distinctly unhealthy. Obsessive reverance for what others think of you will only ultimately lead to pain because, as Taylor said, someone out there is always going to dislike you, maybe for no reason at all. Dealing with this reality has been one of the most daunting challenges I personally have had to deal with. As some of you may have observed, I’m weird. No, I’m not saying I hate myself, but I recognize that I can be exceptionally strange. After all, I spend my Saturdays publice speaking for fun, I’d much rather listen to Rachmaninov than rap, and I talk WAY too much. Overall, I’m about as “nerdy” as it comes. My desire to be liked has taught me enough times when it is and isn’t appropriate to reveal my quirkier side, which has ultimately only helped me. However, my younger years were completely consumed with the desire to be liked, and it ate away at me. I ruined so many great opportunities and relationships because I couldn’t stop myself from obsessing over what others thought of me. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to terms that I’m different, and for the most part, I’ve reduced my desire to be liked to a healthy level. However, there are always the days when a classmate’s disapproving eyeroll over one of my nerdier comments still feels like a punch to the solar plexus.

I still don’t know why I and many others feel this way, but I guess it goes back to our nature as humans. But at the same time, we must control certain aspects of nature and not forget the importance of liking ourselves. After all, the great Dr. Seuss said it best when he said, “Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”