Harboring Grudges

I disagree with statement #42, “It is difficult to get over being angry at someone; therefore, it is healthy to harbor grudges.” When someone keeps a grudge against someone else, it only hurts the person keeping the grudge. If someone wronged you severely, you might certainly have a grudge against him or her. Keeping that grudge might cause you to be angry and either be mean to the person, shun them, or give them harsh treatment. This is hurting you more, because instead of forgiving the person and dealing with your feelings effectively, you’re bottling up an emotion. This can be harmful. It could be very hard to forgive the person in that situation, but you need to- their punishment is out of your hands.

When you keep a grudge it’s almost like you’re trying to punish the person who did wrong to you. However, if you forgive the person, “…you’re giving up the rights to a better past." The key in that quote, from an anonymous person writing about forgiveness, is the word “you”. It doesn’t say anything about how the person who did harm to you will be punished; rather, it says you are giving up rights to what happened. You can’t control what happens to the other person. You’re letting go of it and moving on.

You can still be angry, but once you forgive, you can deal with it effectively and not hold the grudge against the other person. You can only do your part. And, the other person will probably be expecting you to hold a grudge against them so they may be very surprised when you don’t. They may even feel sorry.

Yes, it is difficult to get over being angry with someone. You may always feel anger toward that person. But it is not healthy to harbor grudges because they only hurt you by holding in bitterness, and probably won’t have any effect on the person who wronged you.